Hold your Breath

Make a wish

Count to three

Come with me, and you'll be, in a world of pure imagination

...And care of Gene Wilder in the Original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, so begins The Wicked is Music.

You may or may not have heard of Crazy Penis but you should have. Apparently they are really big on the Manchester scene, but I guess that means fuck all to anybody who's not. When I say you should have heard of them I mean it would be a shame if you hadn't. But if you haven't heard of them then I guess that's probably OK.

Have you heard of Cafe Del Mar?

Crazy Penis are a bit like a song you'd hear on one of those compilations, but more clever, and not quite as chilly. They're very smooth. Very well produced. They use great samples. They're slick. They are pretty much faultless in terms of production and the album is worth buying for the first track alone.

But you know that whenever someone says an album is worth buying for one single track you know that the rest are going to pale in comparison. And they do, but don't let that sound harsh.

I mean, right know I've got my headphones on and I'm listenting to the end of track eight from The Wicked is Music which is called Beautiful People. And it's really good. There's some little flute bits and a a well recorded bass line and some soft whooshing bits here and there and I guess it's about "beautiful" people on the dance floor or something.

But now it's over and I'm listening to track nine and it's called bad dismount. But when the CD is over and I'm listening to something else and you ask me to write a critical analysis of what track eight and nine were like and what they meant and how they were different from each other this would be it:

_

See that underscore up there? That's the essay. All of it - like, there'd be a title and all I guess, but there'd be nothing in the essay

But that doesn't mean you shouldn't buy it. In fact, I'd recommend you do buy it. It's not a five star album, but that doesn't mean too much in the great scheme of things. If people only bought five star albums, or didn't buy albums because most of the songs sounded pretty much the same, then record companies wouldn't be squillion dollar operations, the poor little dears, and nobody would ever have heard of dance music.

The Wicked is Music is a fantastic album, and if you like your dance music tastefully laid back it's a must have, but don't expect to get goose bumps listenting to it.