Artist: T.A.T.U.
Album Title: 200km/h in the Wrong Lane
Label: UMA
Bones:
Summary: More record company money wasted on crap
Reviewed By: Stuart 'Record Store Guy' McPhee

If only they were literally in the situation that the album title suggests. I, for one, would take much pleasure in smashing the Russian Lada Samara they are driving and their marketing bandwagon to pieces. However I am not a violent guy so I will let this review go to town on the stink pile that is T.A.T.U.

Working in a music store you get a lot of crazy characters come in. When so called punk artist Avril Lavigne came on to the scene we had hordes of girls coming in wearing neck ties with tank tops. Now through a string of interviews that proves she is just a marketing creation, anyone that comes in wearing 'Avril Wear' just looks stupid. Really they always looked stupid they just don't have punk pioneer Miss Lavigne keeping it real for them.

Because they've exploited punk for all it's worth, the marketing geniuses at Music Factory Central have come up with a new idea, "Teenage Lesbians". In the most recent 'who gives a crap' relationship since Jack & Meg White, T.A.T.U. (Two Russians Teens) are baffling the media and concerned parents around the world with their 'are they or aren't they' lesbian rumours.

So was it just coincidence that two teenage girls came into the store the other day holding hands? Maybe it was but let me just say that if in two months time you walk down the street and every fifth female is getting a little too chummy with her 'girlfriend' don't say I didn't warn you.

Now please don't get me wrong, I have nothing against lesbian relationships. However, last time I checked it was the music itself that spoke for the longevity of a music career, not anything else. And after listening to this sorry excuse for an album, faux-lesbo will be dead in the water by Christmas.

Postscript Feb 2005

Last week I was walking through the streets of Moscow when low and behold I was approached by a street worker that had a John Wayne walk to her. Upon closer inspection I realised it was the red head from T.A.T.U. asking me if I was willing to hand over 50 rubles to have my balls tossed like a garden salad.

Needless to say I declined her polite offer but I did give her a 5 dollar voucher from HMV for her troubles. That way she can buy back 100 copies of her album without dipping into her 'tricks' purse.